The following memoranda constitute the Fecal & Flatulence Discharge Criteria (FFDC) — mandatory protocols effective immediately for all Saint Rectory Memorial Hospital System facilities.

Every memo is mandatory reading. Every protocol is mandatory compliance.

MEMO I
Purpose & Background
If our patients don't poop, we don't get paid. A $4.1M problem.
Immediate Action Required
MEMO III-A
P.O.O.P.
Patient Output Obligation Protocol — documented fecal events required for discharge.
Mandatory
MEMO III-B
F.A.R.T.
Flatulence Assessment & Release Tracking — verified farts required before discharge.
Mandatory
MEMO III-C
N.O. G.O.
No Output, Get Over It — staged protocol from prune juice to GI consult.
Protocol
MEMO III-D
G.A.S. Team
Gastrointestinal Anal Surveillance — detecting and documenting every anal release of wind.
Staff Deployment
MEMO III-E
W.I.N.D.
Ward Intestinal Noise Database — EHR module for flatulence documentation and billing.
System Required
MEMO III-F
F.E.C.E.S.
Final Examination Confirming Evacuation Success — the mandatory discharge review.
Hard Stop — No Overrides
MEMO III-G
C.R.A.P.
Constipation Recovery & Active Preparation — $3,400–$6,200 per patient in billable services.
Protocol
MEMO IV
GEV Coding
Six new billing codes (GEV-1 through GEV-6) for fecal & flatulence reimbursement.
Billing Required
MEMO V
Staff Duties
Who does what: nursing, CNAs, physicians, case managers, coding, G.A.S. team, dietary.
All Staff
MEMO VI
Scripts
Approved scripts for explaining fecal and flatulence requirements to patients.
Patient Experience
MEMO VII
Conclusion
The final word: our patients poop, our patients fart, and now we're going to bill for it.
Executive Directive
MEMO VIII
Nursing Duties
The things we cannot unsee — and now, properly document and bill.
All Nursing Staff
MEMO IX
ER Duties
Emergency Department — stabilize, then code, then bill.
ED Orientation
MEMO X
Patient Says
A coding reference of verbatim patient quotes — all billable.
Training Reference
MEMO XI
Admin Quotes
Administrative leadership, in their own words — a coding reference.
Leadership Reference
MEMO XII
Candy Stripers
Volunteer questions — occasionally the most insightful in the building.
Volunteer Reference
MEMO XIII
Intern Questions
Intern questions — a diagnostic category all their own. Both billable.
Training Reference
MEMO XIV
Tech Support
Doctor tech support — a mandatory reference for IT and clinical staff.
Mandatory Reference
Saint Rectory Memorial Hospital System
"We Save Lives. We Document Everything. We Bill Accordingly."