Raggsy the hospital trainer illustrating MEMO VII: Conclusion
From: David R. Stoolworthy, M.H.A., M.B.A. <dstoolworthy@absolutelyreal.org>
Sent: Monday, 7:15 AM
To: All Staff
Cc: Board of Directors
Priority: High Executive Directive
MEMO VII: Conclusion — We Did the Work. Let's Get Paid.

VII. Conclusion

Absolutely Real Hospital System (ARHS) has always been committed to excellence in patient care, clinical quality, and financial stewardship. These new protocols are not just about compliance — they are about capturing the full value of the excellent work we already do every day.

Our patients poop. Our patients fart. Our nurses witness it. Our doctors confirm it. The only thing we weren't doing was writing it down and billing for it.

That changes today.

Every fecal event is documentation.
Every anal release of wind is revenue.
Every properly coded discharge is a paycheck.

We did the work. Let's get paid for our excellent work.

Questions regarding this policy may be directed to:

David R. Stoolworthy, M.H.A., M.B.A.
Chief Operating Officer — ARHS
Email: dstoolworthy@absolutelyreal.org
Phone: Ext. 2800 (ask for "the poop guy" — they'll know who you mean)

For billing and coding questions:

Revenue Cycle Management — GEV Coding Help Desk
Email: GEVcoding@absolutelyreal.org
Phone: Ext. 2801 (available 24/7 — we bill around the clock)
Compliance Oath — MEMO VII

You have read MEMO VII. Federal regulations (invented) require you to swear to comply.

Absolutely Real Hospital System (ARHS)
"Trust Us, We're a Hospital"
WCAG 2.2 Compliant Fully Wheelchair Accessible Braille Ready Hearing Loops Installed Large-Print Forms Available

* Accessibility claims certified by the ARHS Department of Honestly Trying. The large-print forms exist but nobody knows where Ward Four keeps them.