ARHS LIVE OPERATIONS DASHBOARD
0.4%Employees Currently in Compliance
6,000Visitors Ignoring Memo I
1,180Oaths Sworn to Dept. of Honestly Trying
6 hoursCurrent Wait for the Good Bathroom
Figures audited by the ARHS Department of Honestly Trying. Refresh rate: whenever it feels like it.

Welcome to the Absolutely Real Hospital System (ARHS)

Home of the internet's funniest collection of fictional hospital internal memoranda. This comedy and satire site features nineteen hilarious parody memos written by hospital administrators about the Fecal & Flatulence Discharge Criteria (FFDC) — imaginary workplace policies covering everything from elevator etiquette and cafeteria behavior to dress code violations and patient gossip. If you enjoy office humor, workplace satire, funny signs, fake corporate memos, and medical comedy, these spoof official documents deliver laugh-out-loud reading in the style of real hospital paperwork. Browse the full archive of free funny hospital memos below, share your favorites with coworkers, and visit the live site at raggsy.com.

Welcome to the complete, officially official collection of Absolutely Real Hospital System Internal Memoranda — nineteen memos of rules nobody asked for, enforced by nobody, at a hospital that doesn't exist.

Grab a coffee, pick a memo, and enjoy.

The P.O.O.P. Protocol — Mandatory Training Film (1 min) · Screenings: counting…

Raggsy illustrating MEMO I: Purpose & Background
MEMO I
Purpose & Background
If our patients don't poop, we don't get paid. A $4.1M problem.
Immediate Action Required
Raggsy illustrating MEMO III-A: P.O.O.P.
MEMO III-A
P.O.O.P.
Patient Output Obligation Protocol — documented fecal events required for discharge.
Mandatory
Raggsy illustrating MEMO III-B: F.A.R.T.
MEMO III-B
F.A.R.T.
Flatulence Assessment & Release Tracking — verified farts required before discharge.
Mandatory
Raggsy illustrating MEMO III-C: N.O. G.O.
MEMO III-C
N.O. G.O.
No Output, Get Over It — staged protocol from prune juice to GI consult.
Protocol
Raggsy illustrating MEMO III-D: G.A.S. Team
MEMO III-D
G.A.S. Team
Gastrointestinal Anal Surveillance — detecting and documenting every anal release of wind.
Staff Deployment
Raggsy illustrating MEMO III-E: W.I.N.D.
MEMO III-E
W.I.N.D.
Ward Intestinal Noise Database — EHR module for flatulence documentation and billing.
System Required
Raggsy illustrating MEMO III-F: F.E.C.E.S.
MEMO III-F
F.E.C.E.S.
Final Examination Confirming Evacuation Success — the mandatory discharge review.
Hard Stop — No Overrides
Raggsy illustrating MEMO III-G: C.R.A.P.
MEMO III-G
C.R.A.P.
Constipation Recovery & Active Preparation — $3,400–$6,200 per patient in billable services.
Protocol
Raggsy illustrating MEMO IV: GEV Coding
MEMO IV
GEV Coding
Six new billing codes (GEV-1 through GEV-6) for fecal & flatulence reimbursement.
Billing Required
Raggsy illustrating MEMO V: Staff Duties
MEMO V
Staff Duties
Who does what: nursing, CNAs, physicians, case managers, coding, G.A.S. team, dietary.
All Staff
Raggsy illustrating MEMO VI: Scripts
MEMO VI
Scripts
Approved scripts for explaining fecal and flatulence requirements to patients.
Patient Experience
Raggsy illustrating MEMO VII: Conclusion
MEMO VII
Conclusion
The final word: our patients poop, our patients fart, and now we're going to bill for it.
Executive Directive
Raggsy illustrating MEMO VIII: Nursing Duties
MEMO VIII
Nursing Duties
The things we cannot unsee — and now, properly document and bill.
All Nursing Staff
Raggsy illustrating MEMO IX: ER Duties
MEMO IX
ER Duties
Emergency Department — stabilize, then code, then bill.
ED Orientation
Raggsy illustrating MEMO X: Patient Says
MEMO X
Patient Says
A coding reference of verbatim patient quotes — all billable.
Training Reference
Raggsy illustrating MEMO XI: Admin Quotes
MEMO XI
Admin Quotes
Administrative leadership, in their own words — a coding reference.
Leadership Reference
Raggsy illustrating MEMO XII: Candy Stripers
MEMO XII
Candy Stripers
Volunteer questions — occasionally the most insightful in the building.
Volunteer Reference
Raggsy illustrating MEMO XIII: Intern Questions
MEMO XIII
Intern Questions
Intern questions — a diagnostic category all their own. Both billable.
Training Reference
Raggsy illustrating MEMO XIV: Tech Support
MEMO XIV
Tech Support
Doctor tech support — a mandatory reference for IT and clinical staff.
Mandatory Reference
Absolutely Real Hospital System (ARHS)
"Trust Us, We're a Hospital"
WCAG 2.2 Compliant Fully Wheelchair Accessible Braille Ready Hearing Loops Installed Large-Print Forms Available

* Accessibility claims certified by the ARHS Department of Honestly Trying. The large-print forms exist but nobody knows where Ward Four keeps them.